The holidays are usually a time for celebrating with loved ones, but for some it can feel extra lonely. Throughout the year, you might not focus on the loneliness we experience. You might have a robust social life or have a busy schedule, but when the holiday season rolls around, it can highlight the parts of your life where you feel disconnected or alone.
How Loneliness is Defined
Loneliness doesn’t have to look the same for everybody. There are a variety of reasons why people might feel lonely:
- Someone you love passed away.
- You don’t have a romantic partner.
- You moved far from your friends and family.
- You recently went through a breakup or divorce.
- You feel misunderstood, unheard, or disconnected from your friends and family.
- You feel like the black sheep of your family because of differing values or political views.
Whether you feel lonely because you’re single, grieving, or disconnected, or experiencing a sense of loneliness or literally alone, it all applies and can still bring on feelings of grief, sadness, anxiety, and disbelief.
How to Overcome Feelings of Loneliness
Accept Reality
You might have your ideal view of what you want your holidays to look like. What do you envision? Sitting at the dinner table with your romantic partner; your family all gets along and you feel connected and heard; or a holiday celebration from past years. Now pull back – what is the reality? The reality of life is that life changes. Your childhood holiday that you remember so fondly won’t be exactly the same today.
Reevaluate what is really important to you right now in this time of your life. Acknowledge what you can’t control and let go of trying to force the holidays to be what they can’t be. It might not fulfill your ideal, but when you stop trying to do the impossible and accept what is, it can help you feel more joy and gratitude.
Don’t Overhype the Holidays
The holidays have a nice sentiment (togetherness, love, peace, joy) and sometimes that gets lost in the hype. Holidays don’t have to look and feel a certain way. Reframe the holiday season so it’s not put on a pedestal. Many people hype the holidays with everything riding on one perfect day with one perfect meal and everyone getting along like a Hallmark movie. This build up is engrained in our minds, but may not be relevant to your life as it is today. The absolutes have to be reframed and reprioritized. Whatever phase of life you’re in right now, focus on what you do have rather than the pressure of the holidays having to look a particular way.
Rather than hyping one or two perfect days, what can you do to make yourself feel less lonely leading into the holidays? Do you have to practice gratitude and connecting with people just on that specific day? Spend time with people you connect with and feel close with before and after the holidays. Travel, visit friends and family, go out to eat, make appointments. If you are elderly and travel is difficult for you, call your family and friends and ask them to come visit you before or after the holidays when schedules get less busy, traffic is less of a hassle, and flights are less expensive.
What can you do every day of the year to nurture non-loneliness? Make new connections and friends throughout the year so when the holiday comes, you’re not putting emphasis on that one day and already have a community of friends, family, and loved ones.
Reframe Your Relationships
Society often teaches us that holidays are meant to be spent with our spouses and our perfect, loving families. But that perfect picture rarely fits into reality. When we try to force our life to meet unrealistic standards, it can make us feel even more lonely, stressed, or depressed.
Reflect on your life – who makes you feel a lack of loneliness? Who do you have strong connections with? That sense of connection might come from unexpected people and places. Those are the people you can spend your time with during the holiday season (and remember, it doesn’t have to be on one specific day or holiday).
If you are spending the holidays with your family and it is often contentious, don’t try to fix them or the situation. The more you try to fix that, the more lonely you’ll feel because you will end up pushing people away. Try to reframe how you feel about your family. They might not be important to you because of their view points, but how do they show up for you in other ways? How do you show up for them? When you adapt or redefine the nature of those relationships, you can gain value from them. But remember, you don’t have to rely on them to not feel lonely. Instead of trying to connect with people who aren’t listening to you and don’t want to hear you, you can reduce your loneliness by putting action into other areas of your life that build connection.
Practice Gratitude to Feel Less Lonely
Practicing gratitude – all year round – can help you feel less lonely in general and leading up to the holidays. Be grateful for a good network of friends, a good family, your physical and mental health, and/or your passions, hobbies, and activities you partake in. Practicing gratitude can help you shift your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. During the holidays, how can you use your abundance to help those around you? Instead of trying to create a picture-perfect celebration, what do you have to offer to those in need? Maybe you can create a new tradition of volunteering, hosting a dinner with other people who are experiencing loneliness, donating to charities, or fostering animals. When you practice gratitude, it can help you feel fulfilled in many ways.
Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Lonely
The holidays can often make people feel even more lonely than they usually do. Therapy can help you reframe your mindset and empower you to accept reality and embrace whatever phase of life you’re in so you can enjoy the holiday season.
Dr. Heather Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant online therapy session.
Offering Online Therapy in 42 States
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.
PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming