Decision making often comes from trusting our intuition. It helps guide us through life in both small, every day ways, and when it comes to big picture decision making. It’s important to be able to rely on ourselves to make those decisions and feel confident that whatever we choose is the best choice.
What is Intuition?
Intuition isn’t a thought, but more of a gut feeling – an inner voice. It’s a type of knowledge that can’t always be explained by rational thought or reasoning. Intuition is created from learned experiences – trial and error from being alive. It’s a collection of things we’ve learned throughout our whole life plus our values, belief system, morals, and logic can all weigh in on it.
We rely on intuition on a daily basis. We might not always realize that we are using it to make decisions, but it’s there, guiding us through life. Just by leaving your house and going out into the world uses intuition. For example, if you’re walking alone at night, do you choose to walk down a well lit street or a dark alleyway? You don’t stand at the intersection for minutes making the decision and weighing your options – you quickly and subconsciously choose the well lit path knowing it’s the safer option. You don’t even have to think about it to make that decision. When we listen to those feelings, instead of disregarding them and walking down that dark alley alone at night, that is using intuition.
Overcoming Indecisiveness
Many people have a difficult time making decisions. They don’t trust themselves and need validation from others. They wait for reinforcements and rely on others instead of making decisions for themselves and relying on their own internal voice to make the judgment call.
Low self-esteem, low-self confidence, anxiety, and depression can all contribute to being unable to form a sense of trust within yourself. You aren’t in tune with your needs, desires, morals, ethics, and values, so you can’t apply them to your decision making process, making it difficult for you to trust your intuition. When it comes time to make a choice, you might hear yourself provide the answer, but decide to ignore it and rely on what others tell you to do. So many people go through life doing what others tell them to do or what others want for them, instead of taking the time to listen to their instincts and trusting their inner wisdom. It prevents you from making good decisions and trusting yourself because you’re looking for validation from the external. Society and other people are deciding for you instead of you listening to your gut feeling.
What to Do if You Don’t Trust Yourself
Sometimes our intuition can fail us and maybe we didn’t make the best decision. If your intuition was wrong, that’s ok. It happens. People with a strong sense of self and high self-esteem are usually able to rely on themselves in the future to make the right decisions. But people who are struggling with trusting themselves might take that as misguided proof that they can’t make decisions for themselves. Don’t just say, “I don’t have a good intuition!” How can you sculpt your intuition into something you can trust? Instead of throwing your hands up and saying, “I’ll never trust my gut again,” take a moment to self-reflect and ask yourself:
- What were my intentions in making that decision?
- Did I make that decision truly for me or was I looking for external validation or praise?
- Who did I make the decision for – me or someone else (people-pleasing)?
- Was that decision impulsive and on a whim?
- Was that decision based on irrational fear or catastrophizing?
- Even though things didn’t work out, did my decision help the situation in any way?
- Do I respect and love myself even though that may not have been the best choice?
If you’re someone who’s made one bad decision after another, maybe you haven’t made the best choices, but that doesn’t mean scrap your gut. It means you have to continue working on developing that trust within yourself and listening to your needs and values. Maybe the decisions you’ve made weren’t based on your intuition at all, but fear, wanting praise, or thoughtlessness.
How to Learn to Trust Your Intuition
The more good decisions we make, the more likely we are to continue trusting ourselves. But when we make harmful decisions, it teaches us to stop trusting ourselves, even if that hurts us even more. If you don’t think you have good intuition, you can work with whatever gut feelings you have and sculpt it into something you can trust, instead of putting your fate into everyone else’s hands. Develop the relationship with yourself so you can learn to trust your intuition and know that you are making good decisions.
Here are some steps you can take to learn how to trust your intuition when it comes to decision making:
Start small. What’s a simple, daily situation where you make a decision? Maybe your phone rings and it’s an unknown number. Listen to your intuition. Do you think it’s a scam call or a call you’ve been waiting for? Just listen to that little voice before making a decision. Maybe you have a headache – what’s the next step you’re going to take? Do you need to call the doctor or take ibuprofen? Do you overreact or listen to the wisdom of your past experiences? That decision you’re about to make is using logic and intuition.
After some practice listening to your intuition and making decisions about minor situations, work your way up to a bigger decision. Here’s what you can do:
- Take a step back from the situation before making a decision and give yourself some time to think about it.
- Be mindful of your intuition. What does your gut tell you? Forget if it’s right or wrong for now – just listen.
- Reflect on your intentions. What do you want out of this situation (not what others want for you)?
- List your values and priorities. What is most important to you in life?
- Set boundaries if you don’t have them already.
- What sources do you turn to for making decisions? Do you trust and respect them?
- Give yourself time to look at the facts and use logic. What are the pros and cons? Have you ever dealt with something like this in the past?
- Have healthy support. Don’t go asking other people for the right answers, but build healthy relationships to help you develop self trust. This can help shape you to believe in yourself as you go through life.
- Let go of toxic relationships – they reduce your ability to believe in and trust yourself.
- Be thoughtful and mindful. When you solely listen to others or the noise around you and not yourself, or if you are going through life on autopilot, you’re not listening to your intuition.
- Make the decision and don’t change your mind. When you go back and forth and back and forth, it creates a system where you’re paralyzed and never learn to trust yourself.
- Act on it.
Congratulations! You made a decision based solely on your own inner wisdom.
Don’t second guess your decision. After you’ve made the decision and acted on it, give yourself 24-hours to sit with it. Let it marinate and settle. Do you still feel good about the decision you made? Or do you feel bad about it? What are you interjecting your thoughts with – doubts and fear? However you feel about it, don’t go and change anything. Trust the decision you made and let it be. Maybe it wasn’t the absolute best case scenario, but you made the decision and the trust in yourself is more valuable than the outcome from the decision you made.
Therapy Can Teach You to Trust Yourself
If you have a hard time making decisions, trusting yourself, and listening to your intuition, talking to a therapist can help you develop a strong relationship with yourself so you can learn to rely on your inner wisdom. Dr. Heather Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant online therapy session.
Offering Online Therapy in 42 States
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.
PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming