You Have Enough
The fact that you’re reading this blog post means that you have access, time, the ability, and a computer or phone. It’s important to acknowledge that you have abundance – you have the space and time to seek self-help. That is a gift. But are you desiring more? More money, a bigger house, a new car, new clothes… the list of things we want is endless. Part of our suffering is trying to seek more and more. And if you get those things, will it actually create true happiness? Or will you slump back into the pattern of wanting more? It’s important to learn the difference between wants and needs.
Knowing the Difference Between Wants and Needs
Looking at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, are your needs met? Do you have what you need to survive, be physically and emotionally healthy, and have healthy relationships? The things that don’t fit into the hierarchy are abundance if you do have them; wants and desires if you don’t have them but long for them.
By figuring out your values and priorities you can determine what is really important to you versus the stuff that you want. This worksheet can help you determine what is important to you (not what others, your family, or society wants for you) and what your values and priorities are so you can find meaning in your life. For example: will getting that brand new car meet any unfilled needs? Ask yourself, “why do I want that new car?” The answer could be, “my current car keeps breaking down and it’s the only way to get to the grocery store to feed myself and my family because there’s no public transportation where I live,” then getting a new car could be fulfilling needs. If the answer has to do with it being a fun hobby, “keeping up with the Joneses,” or showing off how much money you have, that is a want. You might be asking yourself, why is that bad?
Wanting as a Habit
Buddhism states that desire is the root of suffering. But that doesn’t mean that you need to completely eliminate feelings of want or desire, but when it starts to make you unsatisfied with life or ungrateful for what you do have, it can lead to depression and take a toll on your mental health.
When we want, it highlights what we don’t have. When you think that you don’t have what you want, does it make you upset? It becomes easy to focus on the negative aspects of your life. “I don’t have a nice car,” “My apartment is so small,” “I never get to travel…” If you do end up getting what you want, is it really going to make you happy? There’s a chance that getting the thing you want is a slam dunk and does make you happy, but there’s also a possibility that it won’t make you happy. The way we think becomes habitual and we fall into patterns. When was the last time you felt satisfied with life? Are you always going to feel unsatisfied? When is enough enough? It’s crucial to set your intentions with the wants in your life to not lose focus on why you want these wants or have these desires. There is nothing inherently wrong with the idea of wanting something as long as we take responsibility for having these desires and not allow them to dictate our own happiness or self-worth.
How to Feel Satisfied in Life
Practicing gratitude is an antidote to feeling unsatisfied. It can help break the pattern of desiring more and never feeling satisfied. It can help shift your focus from what you don’t have to appreciating the abundance of what you do have, which leads to greater feelings of satisfaction in life. It helps you understand the difference between wants and needs, teaches you to be present and mindful, and makes you feel like you have enough, because you do have enough! Practicing gratitude through action shifts the focus away from the negative and helps you feel satisfied with what you do have.
The Good Kind of Wanting
Like I said before, not all wanting and desire is bad. If you never want anything, it can be debilitating. Having aspirations is a good thing. It can motivate you to make positive changes and move forward in life. Let’s shift the focus away from wanting external and material things (more money, new car, big house, trendy clothes, etc.) and look at what you want for yourself – internal growth rather than material growth.
External things and objects can always be taken away from you – you got the promotion, bought a bigger house and a new car, but what happens if you lose your job? But if you grow your knowledge, build self-confidence, improve your self-esteem, and are secure in your self-identity, no one can ever take those away from you unless you let them. If you lose all of the material things, of course it will be challenging and your confidence and esteem might be rocked, but you still have the internal control. You have the tools to tap into your inner self to find gratitude, happiness, and the ability to keep moving forward. There’s empowerment in that that no one can take away from you. This kind of growth will actually make you happy.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
– Viktor Frankl
Self-actualization is at the peak of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It means looking deep within yourself to be your true self and reach your full potential. It’s all about internal growth, stronger relationships, deeper conversations, life-long learning, and purpose. Are you embodying those things? Internal work includes getting to a point where you know you can be satisfied with what you have, which takes effort and practice. When you can rely on yourself to feel satisfied in life, be proud of your contributions to your community, have healthy and genuine relationships, and feel grateful for what you have, no one can take that away from you.
Learn to Feel Satisfied in Life
If you feel unsatisfied in life and are struggling with feeling grateful, therapy can help shift your perspective so you can feel good about what you have and yourself – whatever situation you are in. Dr. Heather Violante can help you prioritize and nurture what’s important to you so you can find happiness. She provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant teletherapy session.
Offering Online Therapy in 42 States
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.
PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming