When you feel stuck in life, it can lead to feeling resentful. There is a lot going on in the world and maybe in your personal life, and perhaps you’re not where you thought you’d be by now. You might have resentment towards society, the state of the world, cost of living, the housing market – there are a lot of things that are out of our control that can make us feel resentful.
Resentment develops over time, particularly when you focus on what is out of your control. You’re single and want a family. You made a plan to buy a house, but the housing market is out of control. You’re stuck in a job you don’t like and can’t find another one. You feel like you’re at a loss.
“I’m doing well financially, but still struggling because of inflation and the high cost of living.”
“I did all the right things, did everything I was supposed to do, and still can’t get my life together.”
When you focus on what is bad in your life, it makes you feel so stuck and pushed up against a wall, which makes you feel even more resentful. You can’t fight society, so what can you do? For one thing, not sitting in a helpless state of resentment.
How to Overcome Feeling Resentful
In this whole process – your feelings are valid and you are totally rational, but it’s not going to save you. It’s not going to correct the issue of the root of the problem. Resentment is going to add more problems and make you feel worse about yourself and the problems you are facing. Realize how rational and valid you are to feel the way you do, but also acknowledge there’s still room for flexibility and change in terms of how you feel and think. Give yourself the opportunity to adapt and grow since you can’t fight what’s out of your control. If you don’t work within these bounds, you’ll get stuck, stay behind, and get buried.
Shift away from a victim mentality.
Do you feel like the world did this to you and everyone else had their good lives handed to them? The world is changing and there are things that are out of your control that inform what happens in your life. That can make you feel like a victim, but that often couples with feelings of entitlement. Even if the people around you did have an easy life handed to them, it doesn’t change your situation. Reflect on what you can do to change your situation and stop blaming others for why you are here. When you shift away from a victim mentality, it can empower you to make changes towards the life you want.
Don’t compare yourself to other people.
Don’t compare yourself with your peers, people you see on social media, or anyone else. What other people have is irrelevant to you and won’t help you move forward in your own life. If you haven’t accomplished certain things by now, it can make you feel like a failure and resentful. But no one’s life goes exactly how they had planned. Everyone faces struggles and are dealing with the same external factors as you are. Comparing yourself to others isn’t going to change your situation – only make you feel worse about yourself and your current situation.
Focus on what is in your control.
Instead of focusing on what you can’t change, what are you going to focus on instead? There are external things at play that you can’t control that do influence your life. These are all real factors, but that doesn’t mean they dictate the rest of your life. What is within reach? Focus on what is in your control. Recognize the hardships of reality but don’t hold on to it. How you view yourself and the world around you and how you spend your time and money are all within your control.
Be flexible with your values and boundaries.
There are so many different perspectives and variables at play that are going on behind the scenes, and it’s easy to feel resentful when you don’t have all the information. Adjust your expectations about the world around you. This doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards, but there has to be flexibility and versatility. Look at boundaries within yourself. What are you taking personally? Or is this an epidemic of society having different values and priorities or change of belief systems that you have to adapt to? Hold on to your most important values, change your non-negotiables, and be more open minded.
Be open to new experiences.
Instead of having this idea in your head of what life is supposed to look like, stay open minded, curious, and creative. Instead of “I can’t do anything about it. Life is just going to suck.” Be open to new experiences and opportunities and you don’t have to commit to anything. Be open to risks and gambles within healthy bounds and don’t limit yourself. Go network, get out of isolation, explore new hobbies, or consider a career change. Put yourself out there instead of sitting in your resentment – the stewing is unhealthy. That open mindedness has to be a part of it. It is a struggle – it is a challenge, but it will help you get out of resentment and into a more positive way of thinking that can make you feel more successful and experience joy!
Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Resentful and More Successful
There is a lot going on in the world that is out of our control that can throw a wrench into our life plans. That can make you feel stuck, hopeless, and resentful. But whatever is going on doesn’t have to dictate how we feel. Therapy can help you reframe your mindset into a more positive one, create new goals so you can take healthy steps forward in life, and feel more successful. Dr. Heather Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant online therapy session.
Offering Online Therapy in 42 States
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.
PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming