For every new year, people often expect to feel a sense of renewal. “New Year, New Me!” But when you don’t feel like you or anything else has changed, it can make you feel even worse than you did before.
Do you feel stuck in your career or in life and are ready for a change, but something is holding you back from taking the leap? Many people feel stuck, stagnant, or even resentful about where they are in life but don’t do anything to change their situation or how they feel not because they don’t want to change, but because they haven’t identified the barriers preventing them from making change. Some of the barriers are logistical, such as finances or scheduling. Other barriers are mental and emotional obstacles. If we don’t even know what the barriers are that are preventing us from making positive changes in our lives, we won’t be able to challenge them so we can get past them and live the life we want.
7 Common Barriers to Making Life Changes
1. Fear of the unknown: Some people think it’s better to stick with the devil you know rather than face uncertainty. But all we actually know, the only truth that exists, is this present moment. And if you are unfulfilled or miserable in your current situation, there is a possibility that the unknowns that come with change are better. Reality is the here and now, not the “what ifs” of the future. “What if it was the wrong decision?” “What if I fail?” If the current situation is making you miserable, that is your reality and that needs to change. There is always the possibility that whatever changes you make won’t go according to plan. Life is unpredictable whether we like it or not, but when you make healthy, positive changes, there is a good chance that things do work out great and your life does get better! Read more about how the fear of the unknown can heighten anxiety and make you feel even more stuck: https://www.serenitylanetherapy.com/blog/fear-of-the-unknown/
2. Fear of failure: Often people make the mistake of thinking that if they make change and didn’t get it right the first time, they failed. But not doing anything is failing. Not trying IS failing. When you try something new, even if you do not get desired results, you are learning something along the way. Making mistakes means you’re trying. It’s still a step in the right direction. If something doesn’t work out, don’t give up. Look back and reassess. What specifically didn’t work out? What interfered? Was it your attitude? Forgetfulness? Didn’t set aside enough time? Did someone else not hold up their end of the bargain? What can you do differently moving forward? Be proud of the effort you did put in, shift your plans or make a new plan, and try again.
3. Letting other people get into your head: It’s easy to let other people’s opinions and ideas occupy real estate in your head. “You can’t do it.” “Why take the risk?” “It’s never going to work.” “You’re too old to start over.” Reflect on what is important to you. Listen to your own internal dialogue, values, and priorities. That doesn’t mean cut people out of your life or isolate yourself – just don’t let them dictate what you do with your life. Some of their concerns may be valid, but you get to decide whether or not you even try. Filter out the unhealthy advice and filter in things to consider. But ultimately you are the one in charge to make the decision.
4. Maintaining a certain image: Other people’s expectations of you could be a barrier. You have to be the bread winner no matter what. You have to live a certain lifestyle. You have to have this kind of career to keep up with your peers and family’s expectations. If you do something that’s not as prestigious, how will it look? When you let social and economic image dictate how you live your life, it could make you feel stagnant and incredibly unhappy because you might have chosen to settle for something that just doesn’t align with your own needs.
5. Attachment: It’s easy to become attached to your life as it is now, despite it being unsatisfactory and unfulfilling. Learn to let go of attachment so you can make changes in your life for the better. Thinking that things in your life will always be the same gives you a false sense of security. Like I said before, life is unpredictable and we can’t control what happens to us. Letting go of attachment allows us to be more flexible and open ourselves up to opportunities that can improve our lives.
6. Fear of not being in control: Let’s face it – there’s not much in our lives that we are in control of. In reality, we are only in control of our behaviors and thoughts. There are many things in our lives that are not in our control (we are only under the illusion that we are in control of most things). When we let go of control, it can, counterintuitively, make us feel more in control, which then allows us to be more flexible and open to change. If you want to learn how to let go of control and feel less anxious, read this blog post: https://www.serenitylanetherapy.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-what-you-cant-control/
7. Fear of making permanent mistakes: Change is never permanent… nothing is permanent! If you make a big change and it turns out not to be what you hoped for, that doesn’t mean you are stuck. You can change things back to how they were or pivot in a different direction.
Therapy Can Help You Identify Barriers and Help You Find the Courage to Make Change!
Take some time to self-reflect and identify the barriers that are preventing you from making change. If you feel overwhelmed, scared, or uncertain, talking to a mental health therapist can help you understand yourself better so you can identify those barriers and find the courage to make healthy, positive changes in your life. Dr. Heather Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states. Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant online therapy session.
Offering Online Therapy Across the Country
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in participating PSYPACT states. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.