As adults, it’s common to become caught up in routine, work, chores, news, and the doldrums of everyday life. We forget to incorporate fun into our everyday lives and wait for joy to fall into our laps, and when that doesn’t happen, we don’t go looking for it. But it doesn’t just happen. We are responsible for creating our own.
The Difference Between Joy and Happiness
Happiness is a state of mind. An overall feeling of satisfaction and contentment. We can’t be happy 24/7, but we can generally feel good about life or things that are happening.
Joy is a sensation in a moment of time that feels positive, satisfying, gratifying, exciting, or uplifting. Joy is the moment itself and is vibrant and brings life. You feel it deep in your core. It can come from an accomplishment or experience and affects your mental, emotional, and physical wellness in that moment. What makes something pure joy is that you are not pretending, wishing, comparing, or minimizing. In that moment, you are present in that feeling and that makes it pure reality. It’s not for anyone else – it’s just for you.
Joy should never be minimized. Even if one moment you feel it and the next you don’t, you had it and can feel it again. You’ve felt it before and know what to look for.
From Wanting to Accepting
There are things that happen to us that are outside of our control and that can be hard to deal with and instead of accepting the things we can’t control, we want things to change. “I want to be married.” “I want the job promotion.” “I want a bigger house.” When you get stuck in the mentality that life sucks as it is, you lose focus on appreciating what you do have and what is within your grasp. That limits you to thinking the only joy you have is from external factors and that things are out of your control, which can lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness. “I’ll never do this or that…” “It’s never going to happen…” It’s the trap of the “grass is always greener…” Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you can find joy by accepting what is not in your control, and finding joy in what you do have and the things you have control over. Find and create your own joy from things within your grasp.
Finding Joy In Your Life As It Is
Experiencing joy isn’t focusing on the joy you wish you had. “I can only be happy if…” You have experienced joy in the past and to experience it again, you need to reframe your perspective. What in your life currently brings you joy? Even if you don’t feel like you are achieving things in all aspects of your life, there are things in our lives that are good. Reflect on those things. It doesn’t have to be big picture things. They can be small, everyday things that bring you joy. Maybe you ate a delicious meal. Or had an uplifting conversation with a good friend. Take note of how you feel during and after those moments. Is that joy less valid than the things you wish you had? In your mind, the priority is the thing you don’t have or want, but the little things that bring us joy are just as valid and important as our big-picture goals. Joy from doing an activity for an hour is just as important as joy from getting a big promotion. Make sure those little things are part of your everyday life.
Creating joy isn’t about spending money, owning things, or showing off. It’s about the small moments within life. Carve out time for self pampering, healthy habits, and things that will spark genuine joy. Give yourself a break and space from the heartaches of the world and really be present so you can experience pure joy in that moment. You have to allow yourself to experience those moments without expectation. It’s not negating the hardships in your life. It’s only adding joy to what you already do. The more you expose yourself to situations where joy can happen, the more likely you are to experience joy.
Connecting With Your Inner Child
When you were a kid, what gave you that joy? Social connections? Play? A sense of mastery or learning a new skill and becoming confident? When was the last time you rolled down a hill? Skipped down a sidewalk? Laughed so hard nothing else mattered? As adults, we often don’t create situations where that can happen. We don’t give ourselves time to detach from responsibilities and put ourselves in situations or with people where we can let go, have fun, and lose our sense of time. There is a loss of innocence that comes with being an adult, so we have to create joy. Make it happen.
Joy Is About the Present Moment
Joy is in the now, not “I’ll only get joy when…” It’s not a feeling we plan for or expect. It is a feeling that is pure, real, and alive. We are responsible for creating and finding our own joy, and that can only happen if we are living in the present moment, not waiting for something to happen. It’s not about comparisons or competitions. Let go of expectations and embrace that moment, whether it’s ongoing, a feeling for an hour, or fleeting moments when you are in school, at work, or spending time with loved ones. It can come from playing tennis, listening to a great song, bird watching, attending a yoga class, chatting on the phone, smelling a flower. Be open and allow yourself to experience joy in the moment, rather than hoping for something in your life to change in the future.
Let Your Authentic Self Shine
Joy is a personal feeling that comes from within. You don’t have to rely on anyone else, another entity, another factor to create it. It is authentic in nature. If you don’t experience joy, no one will see who you are as a person. It’s another energy that is put out there that brings others joy and when you are authentic and genuine, people can see that. Feeling joyful allows you to be yourself and your personality to shine. It’s how you truly live life! If you spend your life waiting for happiness, it will fly by without any. Searching, creating, and experiencing joy lets you be your authentic self. Kids do that all the time. They are just being themselves, experiencing life genuinely, and adults often lose it. We need to get back in touch with that. You just need to allow yourself to feel it and open yourself to it.
If you are having a hard time creating joy, therapy can help you shift your perspective, connect with yourself on a deeper level, and live in the moment. Dr. Heather Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant teletherapy session.
Offering Online Therapy in 42 States
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.
PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming